Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter

Regularly scheduled posting has been delayed due to a snafu with Netflix shipping and my desire to avoid watching this movie. Good gravy, this movie hurt. I hope I can make up for the delay and the terrible movie with a home-made comic.
The movie is Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter. Yeah, there are at least eight things wrong with that title. Maria (Narda Onyx) lives in a matte painting with her brother.
They’re actually the grandchildren of Dr. Frankenstein, so this movie is beginning by lying to me. They were chased out of Austria due to their unholy experiments but moved to the American west so they could take advantage of its frequent thunder storms. They decimate the population of their small town by subjecting them to their goofy rasta-helmet experiments.
Meanwhile, Jesse James (John Lupton) and his burly friend Hank (Cal Bolder) are on the run after a stagecoach heist gone bad. Hank’s been shot so they go to the good doctor Maria. She turns Hank into Paul Krendler in Hannibal.
Even more rasta-helmet antics ensue and a small part of me dies.
Unlike most of the offerings on my Fifty Chilling Classics set, the sound and visuals of this movie were adequate. Still, it’s a maliciously stupid movie that only exists as something to neck to at the drive-in.
I really like the idea of a woman mad scientist, especially because the only one I can think of is Pearl from Mystery Science Theater 3000. This seems to be an underexplored idea.
My main complaint, though, is I hate movies where historical people meet fictitious characters, mostly because they always choose stupid historical figures. This movie was on a double-bill with Billy the Kid vs. Dracula. The only time I ever, ever cared about Billy the Kid was when Bill and Ted had their excellent adventure. The only good one, I think, is one that I invented, called Hitler Meets Dracula.


About scarina

I like scary movies a little too much. I thought I'd share my obsession with you.
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4 Responses to Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter

  1. Crypticpsych says:

    A) As mentioned when you last pointed out this was coming up, here’s The Cinema Snob’s take on this public domain movie (he’s since released it on his Best of DVD):

    Secondly, I haven’t seen this and, unlike some of the Chillng Classics you’ve reviewed, I don’t want to…

    and Thirdly, there were a few other indie crossover movies that got released in the last 2 or 3 years….I remember Bonnie and Clyde vs. Dracula and Dahmer vs. Gacy. From what I’ve heard….Hitler Meets Dracula blows both out of the water.

    • scarina says:

      Stay far, far away from this. It’s just awful. I can deal with the ineptitude and weirdness of a Bill Rebane movie b/c at least that’s funny.
      Wait, there really WAS a Hitler Meets Dracula? My roommate commented on the alarming amount of Nazi-movies in my Netflix queue. I just like Nazi movies, their uniforms were better.

      • Crypticpsych says:

        Oh no, to my knowledge, there was no Hitler Meets Dracula. I’m referring to your comic.

        And there is a whole genre of Nazisploitation after all. Not to mention the Asylum’s recent, gloriously-titled “Nazis at the Center of the Earth”.

      • scarina says:

        Ohh! Tee-hee, thanks. I wish there WERE a real Hitler Meets Dracula. I was inspired by a story line from the Hellboy comics when a vampire starts hunting former Nazis.
        LoL yes, I added the Asylum’s pic to my queue, I’ve heard it was actually good-ish.

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