Regularly scheduled posting has been delayed due to a snafu with Netflix shipping and my desire to avoid watching this movie. Good gravy, this movie hurt. I hope I can make up for the delay and the terrible movie with a home-made comic.
The movie is Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter. Yeah, there are at least eight things wrong with that title. Maria (Narda Onyx) lives in a matte painting with her brother.
They’re actually the grandchildren of Dr. Frankenstein, so this movie is beginning by lying to me. They were chased out of Austria due to their unholy experiments but moved to the American west so they could take advantage of its frequent thunder storms. They decimate the population of their small town by subjecting them to their goofy rasta-helmet experiments.
Meanwhile, Jesse James (John Lupton) and his burly friend Hank (Cal Bolder) are on the run after a stagecoach heist gone bad. Hank’s been shot so they go to the good doctor Maria. She turns Hank into Paul Krendler in Hannibal.
Even more rasta-helmet antics ensue and a small part of me dies.
Unlike most of the offerings on my Fifty Chilling Classics set, the sound and visuals of this movie were adequate. Still, it’s a maliciously stupid movie that only exists as something to neck to at the drive-in.
I really like the idea of a woman mad scientist, especially because the only one I can think of is Pearl from Mystery Science Theater 3000. This seems to be an underexplored idea.
My main complaint, though, is I hate movies where historical people meet fictitious characters, mostly because they always choose stupid historical figures. This movie was on a double-bill with Billy the Kid vs. Dracula. The only time I ever, ever cared about Billy the Kid was when Bill and Ted had their excellent adventure. The only good one, I think, is one that I invented, called Hitler Meets Dracula.
- Scarina--the authoress and editrix of this site. I like scary movies and have dedicated my free time to cataloging horror--the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sometimes there are books too.
There's film criticism, literary criticism, and humor here. I can be highbrow but there's lots of pop culture too. And feminism.
I fervently love "Twin Peaks" and wish it were a real place so I could move there. I can't list my favorite scary movies because they change depending on my mood, the season, and how much coffee I've had.
I'm an artist looking for ways to blend creepy with cute. I try to channel my childhood nightmares, my love of horror, and my experiences with sleepy paralysis.
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