It should be illegal to name your movie I Eat Your Skin if there’s going to be no skin eating whatsoever. There, I said it. That being said, I didn’t entirely hate this offering from my Mills Creek combo pack. It was almost kind of fun, what with the surfer/spy music and the cringeworthy racism and sexism.
The movie follows Tom Harris (William Joyce), playboy, author, smutty story-teller, and Sterling Archer look-alike.
His…editor? Publisher? Best friend? I’m not quite clear on their relationship, anyway, he convinces Tom to go to Voo Doo Island.
I had to look up the character’s name, he is Duncan Fairchild (Dan Stapleton) and that’s his wife, Coral (Betty Hyatt Linton.) You’ll find out later in the movie that Coral can scream like a howler monkey.
It’s never auspicious when the place you’re going to is named Voo Doo Island. Why couldn’t they go to Candy Island or Pizza Island?
They almost crash-land when their balsa-glider plane runs out of fuel. Once there, Tom encounters a zombie.
Kind of. I guess. Or a guy with cornflake skin and ping-pong eyes. These are tool-using zombies because he uses a machete to lop off a poor fisherman’s head.
They meet Bentley (Walter Coy), the plantation foreman (There’s a plantation), explains that the natives use some kind of narcotic root and sometimes that gives them the crazies.
As an aside, does plantation foreman still exist as an occupation? It just seems like that shouldn’t exist anymore. How do you even get that job?
At the plantation…house? Mansion? They meet Dr. Biladeau (Robert Stanton) and, more importantly, his daughter, Jeannie (Heather Hewitt.)
He makes her a Rob Roy and, within a day, beds her.
The plantation suffers increasing zombie attacks and our plucky band tries to escape but a zombie blows up the plane with a big box of explosives. These are the “under mind control” zombies, not the “cannibal” zombies, by the way. Then the zombies walk off with Coral and Jeannie. It turns out that Bentley is some kind of voo doo guy and he needs Jeannie for a sacrifice to fuel his army of zombies. There are about five zombies on this island so I’d say his plans are going very slowly.
This movie, this movie…It contains a huge amount of old timey racism and sexism, which is kind of funny and kind of awkward and cringeworthy. The dialogue features lots of mentions of, “These people are very primitive…” and, at one point, Duncan threatens to cut off all of Coral’s charge accounts if she doesn’t go to Voo Doo Island.
It manages to build up an eensie bit of tension but then will destroy it by playing the cheesiest sixties spy music ever. There are some cool voo doo dance scenes that look decently choreographed and like actual thought went into them. But then there are all these goofy moments played for laughs. So I guess it’s a horror-comedy but it’s not a very good one.
I offer these goofy pictures without comment.
Ok, I lied, that last pic is of Tom stuffing a gun down his crotch.
This movie is kind of a hot mess and all over the place and features NO SKIN EATING, so I’ve decided to dub it Prill-iant, after my favorite inadvertent internet star, Sondra Prill.
- Scarina--the authoress and editrix of this site. I like scary movies and have dedicated my free time to cataloging horror--the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sometimes there are books too.
There's film criticism, literary criticism, and humor here. I can be highbrow but there's lots of pop culture too. And feminism.
I fervently love "Twin Peaks" and wish it were a real place so I could move there. I can't list my favorite scary movies because they change depending on my mood, the season, and how much coffee I've had.
I'm an artist looking for ways to blend creepy with cute. I try to channel my childhood nightmares, my love of horror, and my experiences with sleepy paralysis.
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