Putting the Fun Back in Funeral

The movie I’m going to write about is kind of a big deal because it’s, quite possibly, one of the first movies in my Fifty Chilling Classics collection that I genuinely enjoyed and would watch again. Daaayyyum, Funeral Home, what are you doing in this collection? Why don’tcha come home with me, baby? You can ride in my Trans-Am. ;]
Nineteen-eighty’s Canadian slasher-lite turned out to be a distinct surprise. I just wish that I could get a better transfer because, true to Mills Creek tradition, the version I have looks like it was filmed through a lens made of chocolate milk.

Oh, Funeral Home, I even love your opening title, even if it does look like a moderate rip-off of the original Black Christmas.
Heather is a teenager visiting her grandma for the summer to help her renovate the family’s old funeral home into a bed and breakfast. Or a “tourist house,” as they call it. I’ve never heard that term before, it must be some of that wacky Canadian english. But there are some weird things going on at grandma’s house. There’s the creepy groundskeeper, Billy Hibbs, whose performance makes Mickey in The Screaming Skull look quiet and dignified.

Mickey's a wide-awake nightmare.

There’s this black cat that won’t stop following Heather around. I swear, it’s like the cat is the Greek chorus.

...Fancy Feast!...in Waterford Crystal!...

And there’s the nasty fact that people just keep disappearing. The police chief dismisses the disappearances as people wanting to run away but rookie officer, Joey, won’t let them go. Heather becomes aware of the disappearances and starts to become suspicious. Actually, I guess you could say that the first disappearance was Heather’s grandpa. That’s why grandma is converting the funeral home. Then, a severely gross couple disappears from the “tourist home.” But first we get to see the woman, Florie, try to seduce Billy Hibbs in an awkward, five-minute-long scene.

"Do you want to make looooove to me?"

"No, thank you, Madame. I must respectfully decline."

I guess nobody told the guy playing Billy Hibbs about the dangers of going full retard.
When Heather hears grandma talking to someone in the basement, her and her boyfriend, Rick, decide to go into Nancy Drew-mode and eventually find out grandma’s dark secret. I don’t really want to give it away here. I can tell you that while I had an idea of what it was going to be, the ending was still kind of surprising and kind of sick. There were some moderate scares, mostly jump scares, but it’s still tense and fun to watch. I didn’t find myself watching the clock and praying for the movie to end like I usually do. There were also some supremely goofy moments. I can almost, maybe kind of support them. I think that it was Tobe Hooper that said that horror movies should have a little bit of comedy in them because real life is funny, and that makes the movie more realistic and, hence, scarier. So I can maybe support a scene where Joe the cop steps in cow dook.
The music is ok, mostly some piano mixed with synthesizers. I wish that they stuck mostly with the piano and silence because that’s when the movie is at its creepiest. I did like the addition of creepy religious hymns playing on grandma’s radio.
Finally, the acting wasn’t terrible. Some of it was community theater grade, but it was mostly earnest and not as cringe-inducing as it could be. Kay Hawtrey is actually intimidating and creepy as grandma, but also manages to be warm and grandmotherly. Lesleh Donaldson plays the heroine, Heather, and makes her sweet and likeable. I like the movie because it’s early enough in the slasher genre that it’s not all about the boobies–in fact, there’s no nudity, unless you count bathing suits. Heather is a capable final girl and her performance is engaging, especially considering the material she’s working with. There are definitely some clunky lines, like when grandma declares that Billy Hibbs isn’t to bright so she lets him live in a shed. Niiiiice.
So, I’d recommend this movie if you’re into quirky slashers. Especially since it falls into one of my favorite categories, that I think is underappreciated, the killer old people slashers. Whether it’s American Gothic or the Belgian(!) Troma pic Rabid Grannies, I love killer old people.


About scarina

I like scary movies a little too much. I thought I'd share my obsession with you.
This entry was posted in 1980's, 50 chilling classics, foreign, slasher and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Putting the Fun Back in Funeral

  1. Fear Street says:

    That chick kind of looks like a young Cloris Leachman…

    Also: RABID. GRANNIES. It’s too much.

    • scarina says:

      I think that Cloris Leachman in her current state looks waaaaay better than that woman then.
      Omg, you have to see Rabid Grannies, it’s amazingly awful. These two grannies are having some party and their whole family is there. For reasons that I can’t remember, some relative sends them a box full of evil that turns them into cannibals when they open it. Amazing!

  2. Pingback: Gothic Woman on the Verge of a Breakdown | Scarina's Scary Vault of Scariness

  3. Crypticpsych says:

    Unfortunately, I can’t help you much with a fresh DVD transfer of Funeral Home. All the relatively new releases of the DVD on Amazon (even the one listed as a release of March 2012!) are usually plagued with people commenting that they have bad transfers, so I wouldn’t feel comfortable recommending any.

    I forget why I was reading a review of Funeral Home before this one, but it actually led me to the 50 Chilling Classics set you’ve been making your way through on Amazon. The thing is, that’s also where I found out that the original version of the set was changed, apparently in 2009 (to the one you’re reviewing from actually…that’s why your set has The Hearse and Devil Times Five on it among other things). This is a link to the comment that points out the changes from the original set, just as an FYI.


    • scarina says:

      Thanks for trying. I wonder if I should even bother looking for a VHS of it, I’ve read that occasionally a good VHS can be better than a crappy transfer. Funeral Home was actually quite adorable.
      Man, the original set sounds kind of awesome. Now I’m deeply curious about the movies they left off of my version.

      • Crypticpsych says:

        It seemed to have basically almost the same movies, they just changed the ones listed in that comment I linked to to the ones it says replaced them. Everything they don’t mention was on the original set. And, when I go to Chiller this weekend and swing by the VHSPS booth (VHS Preservation Society), I’ll see if they have a copy of Funeral Home on VHS-rip to DVD and check the transfer. If they do and it’s good, I’ll let you know.

      • scarina says:

        The original ones just seem more interesting than the ones they replaced them with. I loved the titles of Deadtime Stories and Christmas Evil, I would watch a movie based on that alone.
        Thanks! And have fun. :]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.