3D Stands For Three-Times the Dead

Yeah, my title makes no sense today. What of it? Who are you to judge me? It especially makes no sense when applied to the movie that I watched…

Sadly, I was just born in 1983, the year the movie came out, so I never had a chance to see it in eyeball-raping 3D. Doesn’t that make you feel old, everyone who’s older than me? Ha! Old! Except for everyone who’s younger than me, you can allllll suck it. *Ahem* Anyway…
I have fond memories of when TNT or TBS–one of those stations–would show this movie all the time. It’s one of those movies where I would drop everything I was doing to watch it and laugh. Seriously, this movie is eight-levels of awful but I still love it.
Do you know who wrote the original script to this movie? The script that they trashed? Richard Fucking Matheson, that’s who! Can you believe they trashed that? For those who don’t know, Matheson wrote the original novella for I Am Legend, a bunch of Twilight Zone episodes, and a lot of short stories. I’ve read a lot of his work, it’s pretty good. “Prey” still manages to scare me. THAT was turned into the Amelia-story in Trilogy of Terror. Geez, I’m tangenting all over the place today.
Anyway, the plot is simple. Mike Brody, played by Dennis Quaid (I have a hard time remembering that he’s the not-crazy Quaid), is some kind of engineer/architect/welder hybrid at the state-of-the-art SeaWorld park owned by Calvin Bouchard (Louis Gossett Jr.!). It’s the park’s opening weekend when a baby great white shark and its mama sneak in. And that’s about it. Everything is very, very eighties. The characters are all incredibly unlikable, the dialogue is stilted, the jokes, are unfunny, and the visuals are weird.
I know that you can watch recent 3D movies at home in 3D if you choose. My copy of Coraline came with glasses and a 3D option. But I guess that’s not possible with eighties technology. So you end up with lots of weird shots, like this:

And this:

I guess that this would be moderately alarming in 3D, maybe. I’m still not sure that they didn’t just film some person waving a paper shark taped to a popsicle stick.
Sometimes, the film was slowed down a lot and this shows in some of the scenes with the dolphins and most of the shark scenes. Like when the shark attacked command in the slowest-motion possible. It was almost as slow as the beating scene in Devil Times Five.
Also, I’m not sure that they should have built their entire command center out of sugar glass.

I just like this shot because it’s Louis Gossett Jr. sandwiched in an alarming amount of man cleavage. It’s a little too much decolletage for my taste.

I was going to use this final picture to crack wise about the real-life Fudgy the Whale. But then I took the screenshot and was editing it to size when I noticed something in the background.

Why the heck is there a Slender Man in the pic? That’s about 80 times scarier than the actual shark. And finding that was the scariest part of Jaws 3.


About scarina

I like scary movies a little too much. I thought I'd share my obsession with you.
This entry was posted in 1980's, creatures and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to 3D Stands For Three-Times the Dead

  1. Pingback: This Time…IT’S PERSONAL | Scarina's Scary Vault of Scariness

  2. Pingback: I, For One, Welcome the Comet | Scarina's Scary Vault of Scariness

  3. Billy says:

    I don’t know if you noticed it, but there’s a shot in the movie when the Tour Guide in the underwater tunnel walks through and they didn’t fill in the green screen outside the tunnel, and you can clearly see the crease in the perpendicular wall! In my copy it occurrs at 01:11:07 and runs for 11 seconds (a guy even reacts to something he sees which clearly isn’t there!). It may happen slightly earlier or slightly later in your version the movie, if your version is edited or in a different format (in the UK we use PAL at 25fps, but your system might use NTSC at 30fps). It’s a hoot if you like spotting mistakes in movies, this one’s full of ’em! The movie was recently released on BluRay in 3D, it doesn’t make it any scarier but the 3D is actually pretty cool. I’d post a screenshot of it if I could, but I’ll leave that up to you!

    Happy Horroring! (I think I just created a new word!)

    • scarina says:

      That sounds amazing & hilarious! Sadly, I don’t own any of the Jaws movies on DVD. I can’t wait to look for this the next time I watch it. I’d love to see it in actual 3D, I’ve only seen it on TV & the one DVD I got from Netflix.

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