Sometimes I really love America. We have this attitude that with enough time, money, and hard work, and also, especially, money, we can make anything. Now will that anything be good? Well, that depends… That’s why I hope to become a crazy bazillionaire and force the BBC to make versions of Harry Potter and The Hunger Games trilogy into movies based entirely on the books. But I digress…
That’s how I felt watching The Legend of Bigfoot (1976). The introduction pinkie-swears that this is a FOR REAL film offering proof of Bigfoot.
This is how we meet Ivan Marx. He’s a tracker who’s hired to go after rogue animals. If only the people of Amity Island had called Ivan Marx! We’re treated to shots of him and his life among the animals over noodley seventies flute folk music. The nature photography is actually quite nice, but I think I could get better content watching Wild Kingdom or Nova or pretty much anything else. I guess this part serves to establish that Ivan Marx ain’t no big-city folk and he’s the real deal. His interest in Bigfoot is sparked when he’s hired to investigate some cattle killings up in Alaska. From here, we’re given several incontrovertible proofs that Bigfoot exists.
These Native American pictographs are totes Bigfoot. Or someone wearing flippers with ping-pong paddles taped to their hands. Records from that era are sketchy at best.
He totally saw tracks once. Only you wouldn’t know them, they go to a different school in another state.
This picture is really Bigfoot and not at all Ivan’s wife, Peggy, shuffling around in a gorilla suit. Nope, no sir.
Lots of people have seen Bigfoot all over the Pacific coast. So he has to be real.
QED. Well, that sure showed me.
This movie was part of my 50 Chilling Classics set. It was neither chilling nor a classic. To quote Nelson Muntz, “I can think of at least two things wrong with that title” Why, Mills Creek, why? Did this film really need to be preserved?
There were literally three scary parts in this movie and neither of them had to do with Bigfoot. One was Marx’s increasingly angry narration about how the “experts” reject his evidence. The second was a bizarre scene where we see a squirrel get hit by a truck and then its mate drags it out of the road. Finally, there’s a pretty graphic scene of a bunch of rednecks hunting elk and butchering them. Movie, I can’t with you. I quit this bitch.
Ivan Marx, who are you? My google-fu led me to squatchopedia, the definitive Bigfoot site, and apparently he is a big old faker. See? Totally a faker. Did you ever believe in Bigfoot? Why did you include a five-minute sequence about the mating habits of moose? Why were you so mean to the Native American guy telling you his chant to attract Bigfoot?
So watch this movie if you want to see some pretty wildlife footage (Except for the aforementioned slaughters.) But watch it with the sound off so you don’t have to hear the creepy seventies folk music. Unless that’s your thing. Who am I to judge?