Well, it’s been years since spring break has been relevant to me. The few times it was I went to New Orleans. No, I didn’t show my Scarina-boobs for 99 cents of shiny plastic baubles. I went to some museums, ate at some good restaurants, went on some tours, did some seriously awesome vintage shopping. Went to Cafe du Monde and had some beignets, read by the riverfront. So typical spring break culture is kind of foreign to me. And by “foreign” I mean all levels of squicky. That’s why Piranha-3D was so delightful.
It was like seeing every douchebag I hated in college get eaten by an unending horde of ravenous tiny creatures.
Now I’m normally skeptical of remakes but I can get behind one that’s respectful of its source material. Check out this poster for Piranha-3D.
Now compare it with the original Piranha poster.
This isn’t a rip-off, it’s a loving tribute. Plus, Joe Dante of the original gave his thumbs-up. According to his interview in Rue Morgue magazine they wanted him to do a cameo but their schedules didn’t mesh. Richard Dreyfuss has a cameo as a local fisherman singing “Show Me the Way to Go Home” and Eli Roth hosts a wet t-shirt contest. There’s just a little bit of Christopher Lloyd which is just the right amount. Ving Rhames is the resident badass who kills piranhas with a shotgun and a motorboat propeller and Elisabeth Shue is the tough-as-nails sheriff who has to make the decision to close the lake down. During tourist season!
Basic plot; Spring break has come to Lake Victoria. But an earthquake has linked a lake under the lake to Lake Victoria, unleashing the prehistoric piranhas. And then hilarious, fleshy mayhem ensues. The director, Alexandre Aja, sure knows how to have fun. That’s really the point of this movie. There is an insane amount of gore and creative deaths. My favorite evokes the dance-floor scene of Ghost Ship. There’s even an underwater lesbian scene in 3D.
Boy, 3D has changed since the last 3D movie I saw, which was Captain Eo.
The movie is good in 3D but not annoying. There aren’t people waving hamburgers at you, it’s more things poking at you from underwater, which makes me wonder what Zombies would have been like in 3D.
The ending pissed me off, though, since it was so clearly a set-up for the sequel. Now was it worth you seeing it? I don’t know. I go to the movies so rarely that it was a treat to see it. But I can see how people would be annoyed by the lack of seriousness. Plus, the spring break thing got kind of grating. I was kind of embarrassed. Do women really act like that? People who know me in real life know that I’m basically a big dork who’d rather spend the night in drinking with friends than going to an expensive club or a cool place. The movie did make one interesting point although I’m not sure if it was intentional or not. There are lots of women in the movie who are beautiful by conventional standards. They’re busty, scantilly-clad, and the guys are really into them. But if they make a mistake or do something the guys don’t want to do they instantly become whores, as in the guys start calling them whores. Jerry O’Connell plays a Joe Francis-esque guy in charge of “Wild Wild Girls,” a “Girls Gone Wild” knock-off. I always wonder what the cost-benefit analysis is to these women. And I can’t help but compare them with Elisabeth Shue who manages to not be eaten, but she also saves her own children, is hot, and she still kicks ass. So I guess my feel-good message from this is that it’s not a crime to be beautiful but you best have something to back that up.