Like Seeing an Old Friend

Watching the movie for this entry was like seeing an old friend. I used to watch it on cable all the time but I don’t think that I ever caught the whole movie at once. Also, I’m not friends with GEORGE ROMERO. And STEPHEN KING. ED HARRIS. LESLIE NIELSON. TED DANSON. HAL HOLBROOK. ADRIENNE BARBEAU. TOM SAVINI!!!!!!!
Yes, I watched the movie from 1982 that I love so much I would put it in my pants…

For those of you unfamiliar with Creepshow get off the internet RIGHT NOW and watch it it’s an anthology movie strongly based on the E.C. horror comics from back in the day like Tales from the Crypt. This movie has five stories book-ended by the story of a boy who likes comics very much and his father who doesn’t like comics so much, despite his smut collection. It’s set in what looks like the fifties via the eighties so I’m guessing his smut collection has Bettie Page. The stories were written by Stephen King and the affair was directed by George Romero. The movie features animated storyboards and frames to enhance the comic feel of the movie.

This first story traumatized me when I was a little Scarina. It’s set on Father’s Day, just like the title. This money-grubbing rich family is getting together seven years after Aunt Bedelia bashed in dad’s head with a marble ash tray.

In case you can’t tell, Aunt Bedelia is everything I want to be when I grow up only without the homicide. Also, I think she’s what happened to Amelia Bedelia.
Anyway, after much disco dancing and liquor the people at the party disappear one by one. Don’t worry, cake is involve, just in case you were wondering.

M-O-O-N, there’s Stephen King as Jordy Verrill! Jordy’s a hick farmer who finds a meteorite in his fields. He hopes to make some money off of it so he can pay off his bank loan. But then it splits open and he discovers it’s full of “meteor shit.” For the life of me all I can think of is Monster Blood. After he touches the meteorite he discovers his hand looks like this;

One date with Paris Hilton leads to this...?!

And then he starts to sprout green stuff. All I can think of is that one Goosebumps book where the dad turns into a plant. Do you have any original ideas, STINE?

This is my favorite story in the anthology and the one I remembered the most. Leslie Nielson is a husband who discovers that his younger wife is cheating on him with Ted Danson. Anyone who cheats on Leslie Nielson is a fool, a fool I say! His plan for revenge is simple. He loves the beach and has a severely isolated beach house. He buries them up to their necks below the high tide mark and waits for the tide to come in. As an added bonus he hooks up a closed-circuit tv so they can watch each other die. I think the shortcoming of his plan, though, was not staying to ensure that they died.
Also, Leslie wears this boss sweater that I want for myself;

I think that this was the weakest piece in the movie and that makes me sad because it has Adrienne Barbeau in it and I want to like whatever she does.

She knows I don't like this segment, shit!

Hal Holbrook, aka Mark Twain, is married to Adrienne. In fact, he’s quite hen-pecked by her. That’s until one of his colleagues at the college he works at discovers a box from an Arctic expedition that contains what looks like a sentient My Pet Monster, only with more fangs and drool and killing.
I’m trying to be fair and remember that the effects were done in 1982 but that’s not the only problem. This segment is incredibly slow, takes forever to get going, and you know exactly where it’s going before it’s there.

This segment is horrifying for me but solely because of the fact that it’s about roaches. I work in New York City and I live in a city and I’ve had to deal with more roaches than I care to think about. I would rather deal with an armed crack-head than a roach.
The worst part is that the main character crushed the roaches which you should never, ever do in case you spread their evil eggs around and they’re invisible and then they’ll hatch. Ok, I can’t write anymore. Here’s a picture.

The movie finally ends with the garbage men finding the little boy’s horror comic from the beginning of the movie. One of the garbage men is Tom Savini who isn’t leading a motorcycle gang to destroy your defense of the shopping mall, for a change. They’re kind of disappointed that one of the ads for a real voo-doo doll has already been clipped out and sent away. The story returns to the little boy who grows up and becomes;

R.L. Stine aka Satan

This movie suffers from being overlong and some of the effects are dated but I think it’s a fun movie, overall, and it does have some effective scares. It may not have the gore of The Human Centipede but it’s definitely worth watching.


About scarina

I like scary movies a little too much. I thought I'd share my obsession with you.
This entry was posted in 1980's, anthology and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Like Seeing an Old Friend

  1. Sadako says:

    R.L. Stine! From King to Stine. That encompasses my childhood horror icons!

    I never actually saw this one, though…I totally need to, right?

    • scarina says:

      Just add Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark and those would be my childhood fear idols. Oh, and Christopher Pike.
      Yes, you need to back away fromt he internet and watch it now.

  2. Sadako says:

    Scary Stories! Ah, yes! Those were, and are, insanely wonderful! And to be honest, there are few illustrations that I’ve encountered as an adult that were as effective. (Maybe Joshua Hoffine.)

  3. Pingback: R.I.P. | Scarina's Scary Vault of Scariness

  4. Pingback: House of the Dead (1978) | Scarina's Scary Vault of Scariness

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  6. crazycanuck says:

    Gotta comment on this one; one of the few movies I’ve actually sat through twice back to back, in the theater. The Crate rocks, Hal Holbrook again!

  7. Pingback: I Sell the Dead | Scarina's Scary Vault of Scariness

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